Sunday, June 10, 2007


Okay, enough already, I'm weighing in on this Paris Hilton travesty. My advice to Ms. Hilton last week would have been along the lines of "Take it like a man." Serve out your sentence with dignity and hope that you've finally learned something of value and set a good example for someone else (hordes of young fans, perhaps). The Sheriff, Ms. Hilton, her parents, her publicists and whatever other too-many-cooks handlers she is surrounded by have blown that opportunity. That was an opportunity to make her look good and maybe they think that would be bad. Maybe it's opposite decade. Or maybe no one but Judge Sauer is thinking at all. A friend of mine rubbed me the wrong way when he argued that Ms. Hilton is a "private citizen just like the rest of us and therefore should get to go home to serve out her sentence". First of all, SHE IS NOT. She is one of the least private citizens ever, taking gross tonnage of cash for simply appearing (with no talent whatsoever) at events and parties. This is her job; to be a public person. If a someone like this, who is spread before us on a daily basis by every form of media even when she's not misbehaving isn't an example, then no one is. That doesn't mean she has to set an exemplary one but one hopes she will (that one being me but not me alone, I hope) I would love for Ms. Hilton would grow up and stop getting stoned and driving. I would suggest going back to school and taking a Philosophy class or acquiring a hobby like macrame or even a skill like turning a lathe, or how about maturity, grace, good taste, charitable work, law, math, chess. The best thing I can say about the person that the public knows to be Paris Hilton, is that she is overexposed and underdeveloped--as in not having taken advantage of any opportunity to develop a life that has meaning. That alone will drive a person to cocktails and drugs. She doesn't seem to be thoughtful or well-spoken and she doesn't even play the ukelele. She could use a little ukelele (and all ukeleles are little). The one time I have ever seen Ms. Hilton in person surprised me. She is so tiny that she looked two-dimensional. Her dress hung off of her in spite of its size two-ness. She looked exactly like a paper doll. She was with a handsome and similarly tiny young man. They could not have looked less engaged with one another or their surroundings. They didn't look tired. They looked bored, meaning-less. West Hollywood straight people of this certain age have a distinct "Dawn of the Dead" quality. Once Paris was boomeranged back into the slammer, I heard this from a male anchor on a local newsradio station; he suggested that throwing her back was merciless, was a case of "reverse racism". Yes, he said it, I swear to Buddha. He continued to bite the shoe leather, saying that mean people "just wanted her to stay in jail because she is pretty and rich." Clearly this guy has swapped his brain for his ass. I want equal justice for everyone and we're talking about someone driving under the influence. Not just once, not twice, but three times---that we know of. One of the times---that we know of--the Sheriff stopped her but then let her go. And I don't wanna hear about "even Martha Stewart got to go home to serve out her sentence". The reason people have their licenses suspended and then go on to be arrested for continuing to drive under the influence even after they've had their license suspended is because they pose a threat to society. That's you and me, people. The greatest threat being---DOES ANYBODY OUT THERE VALUE THEIR LIVES?--bodily injury and/or death. GO LOOK AT THIS WEBSITE and I'm almost certain you will see the good sense of letting someone/anyone this disrespectful of others cool their heels in the slammer for a while. Why on earth shouldn't there be a consequence of incarceration at a judges discretion in this matter? And further,why should it make any difference if the incarceration is of someone who is famous? They may consequently have an influence on others due to their super "public work". Look, they already cut her numerous breaks and its not like she got "sent up the river to the Big House" or thrown in the snake pit. That anyone thinks there wasn't room for her in the Special Persons Least Offensive Pokey is a farce. It's never reassuring to know or be reminded that our judges and our Sheriff's department are at odds with one another, either.
Now my advice to Ms. Hilton is this: While you sit in stir and even beyond, exercise your mind. Don't fall asleep and be replaced in the night by your Zombie doppelganger again. You still have an opportunity to live a meaningful life. That's what you probably crave. Don't cry for mommy and daddy, they're the ones who screwed you. Your parents should have taught you that actions have consequences and that we still live in a society full of people who believe in equal justice under the law (look it up). They should have taught you that it's bad to endanger the lives of others just because you want a hamburger. Because they did not do their job and therefore you do not take your life or the lives of other peeps seriously, it's up to the judge to have to teach you. We (and I include you) pay him and the sheriff to protect us from Zombie drunk drivers and other people who commit crimes. Drunk Driving, Driving While Impaired, Drugged Driving are crimes. (Are you listening, Lindsay Lohan?) YOU COULD HAVE KILLED SOMEBODY. It would have been your fault. GO LOOK AT THIS WEBSITE. There's meaningful work for you over there. It's not your fault that we live in a culture that will pay millions of dollars to a girl or boy for not doing anything particularly worthwhile. That's bad. It's bad not to do good things with that kind of earned income. It's bad to give people the idea that consequences aren't for everyone. Consequence is a universal law, shared by all things. It's not bad to suffer the consequences of your own actions. It's how we acquire real knowledge and real knowledge is meaningful. It's bad to make dumb headlines that cover up what's really going on. What's really going on is bad. It's not just you. If you think you might continue to get high in the future, hire a driver who is sober and remember to tip well.
The idea that we shouldn't suffer the consequences of our actions is a weird human conceit that seems to have gone viral. Look at the current administration.
A fish rots from the head down. Do I smell a giant croaker?

1 comment:

M. C. Valada said...

Good for you. I just see such a terrible waste of air-time and news-inches which take space away from the high crimes and misdemeanors taking place in D.C.--which, of course, is exactly the point.

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