can a colonoscopy be far behind?

As words go, medieval and medical are close. Very close. Had a mammogram lately?

Here's what the magical gizmo looks like.

It squishes, mashes and pulverizes as you watch your familiar flesh distorted to unrecognizability under plexiglas. All the bells and whistles of a radioactive device and convienient floor pedals for pressing pleasure. Inviting, huh? Women are used to feeling like meat but this baby makes you feel like the whole cow. It's not even prewarmed, friends. I had my pictures taken today by a tech who was. Warm. She kept telling me to relax. This is the most expensive feel I've ever been given but has the side advantage of being the cheapest boob job in town. If you walk in there with no breasts to speak of, by the time you leave, they will be stretched and pulled into something more, believe me. I kept wondering about the men who come in for mammograms. Yes, guys are supposed to have them too if there is a family history of breast cancer. So listen to your Uncle Lisa and go and get one. Very important. Seriously, if you are due, you gotta do it. Just so you can be in the club. The benefits of this secret handshake can be life saving.

Put the pedal to the metal, guys.